kisah malam itu

bismillah

kisah malam itu
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bukannya mahu menjadi teladan
jauh sekali menunjuk jalan
tapi
hanyalah mahu menambah keyakinan
melalui pengalaman

dari Dia segala kebaikan
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mungkin
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_______________________________________________
mungkin inilah yang terbaik. yang telah Dia aturkan.
untuk semua air mata yang telah dititiskan semalam, maaf dipinta.
jika diri ini menjadi punca.

Allah ma'aki

bismillah.


"Allah ma'aki!"
Tangan saya digenggam erat, seperti selalu.


Terima kasih, Tami. Awak dah ketuk kepala saya. Awak dah ingatkan saya satu benda yang saya mungkin terlupa.


Allah bersama saya. Di waktu senang, di waktu sulit. Di mana-mana, bila-bila masa.


Ya, Allah ma'ii. Kuatkan hatiku, teguhkan langkahku, Allah.

and this heart, my heart...

  

I know there were numerous people around you , I know that you knew so many people. You lived so surrounded, active and dynamic. You had to meet the demands of your principles, and life. You were vocal, committed, dignified and so sociable.

 

 

I also perceived your inner journeys. Among human beings, at the heart of their parties and agitations, you were leaving, isolating yourself... you were living your quest. I saw you crying in the crowd and smiling in exile.

 

 

You seemed indifferent to everything and sensitive to everyone. Timid in front of any wounds, imperturbable in front of any dangers. I learnt a lot, you know, in the shadow of your words, in the light of your silences. I matured so much by accompanying your path, you have taught me to remain a child while facing the humans’ judgements. To smile at all the human Courts with the grace of sincerity and the humble certainty of His Forgiveness.

 

 

I know your path is in the proximity of the Messengers and the Most-Closes. And if I fast, and if I pray, and if I bow down, and if I go into exile, and if I cry, and if I smile... it is while following the path, while seeking His Light, His warmth and His proximity.

 

 

I am talking to you as if you were my mirror and my way. To tell you... Do not judge me. To tell you...Pray for me wherever you are. To tell you... Love and be free. To tell you...He is Love, be heart. To tell you... He is Kind, be forgiveness. To tell you...

 

 

On the road that leads to the heart, the human horizons are bewildering... The Humans do not like anything as much as they like to receive words of tenderness, brotherhood, friendship and love. Anything as much as expressions of forgiveness... Our words, their words, words. Personally concerned, touched, wounded, they... we become merciless judges : our distresses and our deceptions are incarnate in your condemnations. One must go further, isn’t it... to forgive to those who do not forgive.

 

Know...I am trying to follow your path. I go into exile, I pray, I fast, I give and offer. As much as I can. I learnt that there is no such a difficult jihâd as the life with the people we love. The most difficult jihâd is the jihâd of love. The one we feel, the one we learn, the one we shape. I learnt that the intellectual capacity to understand does not always offer the emotional strength to stand. I learnt the tiredness of living, and the strength of hope.

 

 

To tell... you, the mirror of my exiles. To tell you... so long is the road. To tell you... He is Sweet, be tender; He is Kind, be forgiveness. Time and life escape from us and I foresee the exile. I have understood, from the bottom of my being, why my being needed so much to leave.

 

And this heart, my heart... that needs so much to learn to fast.

 

 

from: tariqramadan.com